A Matter of True Friendship

A Matter of True Friendship

A pang of guilt and shame hit me as I met with Chess Club for the second time since middle school.  I had never bothered to visit them, my best friends, and cared too much about the friends that did not mean as much to me.  I took out chess boards and placed them on the table around which six or seven other freshmen guys were sitting. During my chess game with Alan, a fellow member of Chess club, I realized I was getting stares and weird looks from various upperclassmen diligently attempting to do their math homework free from the distractions of a club like us.  

I got up from the table to go throw away a fork when my friend John came up to me and inquired about my friend choice.  My choice to be around chess club, or rather, my choice to be solely around freshmen guys.

“Why do you hang out with Chess Club? They’re all freshmen guys, and they’re just...weird,” he exasperatedly explained. “Do you know how many people are judging you because of that?  Normal girls aren’t supposed to be socializing with a group of nerdy guys.”

“Yes, they’re all freshmen guys, but when you say that normal girls aren’t supposed to be socializing with guys, do you know how stereotypical that sounds?” I replied angrily.

“Stereotypical?  Obviously.  But there are social norms, you know.”

My opponent glanced up at me and a devilish smile struck his face. The intensity was fierce and the passion to win was deep within his soul.  Contempt dripped from his voice. I took my place at the table to resume my chess game, as John waited expectantly for an answer to his argument.

He had a valid point, because the freshmen have the some of the weirdest hobbies, such as chess, constantly solving Rubik’s cubes all day long, always playing video games, and incessantly talking about mathematical problems - things that normal girls wouldn’t do together on a daily basis.  But honestly, who cares about being judged?  Who would give up their true friends if other people were judging them?  I most certainly wouldn’t and nobody should have to deal with such an issue.

Alan moved his knight.  I saw the flaw in his attack, and I quickly scrambled to exploit it by slamming my queen into his unprotected rook.  Nobody has to tell the queen what she has to do.  She alone takes action for herself, for her own benefit. I looked back at John, finally reaching a viable answer that would properly counter his argument.  

“These are the people I want to be with. So what if others find them weird or awkward?  I don’t want to live a life where I can’t be with my best friends, even if they’re guys and the whole concept of a girl hanging out with guys completely violates the social norm.”

The freshmen in Chess Club have always been there for me, and have proved time and time again that they are friends that truly care for me, unlike some of the past friends I had made.  I had already learned my lesson in the past, when I chose a friend that only took advantage of me over a friend who truly cared about me.  I don’t stay with Chess Club because I want to be around guys; I stay because I care about the friends that will always be there for me and who will come to my aid when I need it most. Why should gender stereotypes bother me if they only hold me back from who I should and should not consider to be my true friends?  

Before I joined Chess Club, I would always waste my lunch watching my friends do their homework, since I almost always had none. That moment when I signed the form to join my first club was when I found a purpose to my lunches. I found individual goals both socially and academically - the goal to get better at something I did not excel in already, the goal to make different types of friends instead of forever staying within a small group of girls always diligently doing homework, the goal to just not waste lunches doing nothing.   Who knows what I would be doing during lunch, what type of friends I’d be hanging out with, what new hobbies I’d find to do if I didn’t join Chess Club.  

“Well, I mean, I think it’d be a good idea if you gave up on them.  It’s not just a few people judging you, it’s a multitude.  Everyone’s pretty much just talking about you behind your back.  Why not just hang out with normal friends?” John suggested.

The people in Chess Club will forever stay my true friends, and there is no chance that I will give up on them. All the judging stares and glances can be ignored. A huge part of friendship is acceptance and if friends outside Chess Club can’t accept the fact that I would rather spend my time with freshmen, could I call them my true friends - ones, by my definition, that would support the choices I make?

“Sorry, do you think I would really give up my friends just because I care about people judging me?  It’s a matter of true friendship, not a matter of my reputation and my public image.  Look at me caring.”  I turned my attention back towards the chess game, picked up my queen, and delivered the final move that would end it all.