Everything Crashes
Everything Crashes
Jaw clenching, palms sweating, I fumble with my pencil, trying to scribble down the last equation and solution that I can fit into the allotted time. My clammy fingertips slip off my No. 2 pencil. It falls off the desk and lands on the tip, breaking the lead. Damn it. I needed that pencil.
Quickly searching through my pencil bag, I sort through viscid glue sticks, dried up highlighters, and a pad of sticky notes I’ve never seen before, trying to find another pencil to use. I can only find a pen, the tip dry, but it leaves a small faint line if I write slowly.
Logarithms were never my strong suit; neither were conic sections, quadratic equations, or partial sums. Would I really need these as a medical professional, my expected career?
“Time’s up!” the teacher screeches across the room.
Unintelligible muttering goes off and the clatter of pencils hitting the desks fills the room.
I look at my unfinished test. Only three out of five questions have been completed, and not even done well. I start thinking of ways that I can avoid failure.
Maybe I can bolt out with my test and claim I never came to school today. Or have a mental breakdown and guilt my teacher into not failing me.
I remember the previous night, when I was watching Harvey and Mike team up and kick Daniel Hardman out of their law firm. Suits was my guilty pleasure, and when I started, my computer would take over my life, only allowing me to leave my cave for food and water.
I knew I hadn’t completely grasped the ideas learned in this chapter. I knew without studying, passing this exam would be near impossible. I knew that I should have turned off Netflix and opened my textbook to get some real studying in.
School wasn’t the problem for me, it was the homework. Sitting in tedium for almost six hours a day, playing sports, then coming home and working for another six hours? Nu-uh not gunna happen.
Pshhh, realistically, when was the last time I studied? Maybe for finals first semester of freshman year. I never saw the need for studying, and I had gone along fine for almost 10 years without it.
But now it had caught up to me. All the work that came with a good California education was piling on top of me, and I had never used my legs to get that far ahead, and I was lacking a shovel to dig myself out.
“Derek! Time’s up!” I had frozen for so long, I hadn’t realized almost everyone else had gotten up and turned their tests in.
I fumble, stacking my papers and writing my name on the paper. Derek Clayton, messily scrawled on the line at the top of this god-forsaken test.
As I walk up to the front of the room, I feel my face flushing with blood. Everyone else has sat down and I am alone silently, shamefully at the front of the room.
The teacher can see. She can see that I’ve failed this exam, probably failed the class too.
“Thank you, Derek” she says as I hand her the packet. Her tone is slightly condescending and mocking. I was never her favorite, failures usually don’t end up as teacher’s pet.
As I set the test onto the pile of countless others, probably all with perfect scores, I feel a pit build in my stomach. A seed of doubt.
Doubt that I can pull through and do the work necessary for my goal. That I can survive through twelve years of college, and come out being successful. If I can’t even pass a simple math class, how am I supposed to make it through med school?
As I hurriedly return to my wobbly desk, I think about the good that could come out of putting in the effort, the more than mediocre grades that could come out of it, the opportunities that could arise, but then I think about being a lazy piece of crap as usual.
Labels: Zachary O.
7 Comments:
Great character development- I ended up getting a good sense of the type of person Derek was and sympathizing with him.
The story captured a single moment really well and was fun to read.
Your story is quite funny. I like how you used good internal dialogues to show the character's thoughts. You made the story interesting with only 1 main character. Good job!
I like the dry humor you used. It's nice that the story is personal, making it more understandable from a stranger's perspective.
I really like how realistic you made this fiction sound. The clattering of pencils....really like that line. It's great how you transformed your own student perspective into a fantastic story.
I can identify with the pain of that logs test...I liked how you incorporated such tension and excitement into a seemingly simple story. I also like the line "the teacher screeches across the room."
I really enjoyed the inner dialogue that you provided in the story. I feel that it really helped me to understand his emotions and his thoughts about the test, failure, and studying.
I really connected with the stress of taking a test you don't know anything about and that stomach sinking feeling you get when you have to turn it in. It was really good, and like Ashwin, I liked the humor as well.
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